Acceptance

“If I am sincere today, what does it matter if I regret it tomorrow?”

Jose Saramago

Regrets

They are ravenous.

They are constant nags in the back of your head and the pit of your heart.

They are thieves of both slumber and joy.

Regrets

I suppose I shouldn’t shun regrets totally from my life…they are proof I have a conscience, they serve as evidence I once was wishful and hopeful, and, when I’m doing well, they teach me and prepare me for less regrets in the future.

 

But damn if I don’t hate regrets and damn if I don’t perseverate about them.

• I wish I would have spent more time being positive with my mother.
• I wish I would worked towards my master’s degree while I still had time, money and patience.
• I wish I would have considered the long term affect of being geographically isolated from family before I planted my roots in Alaska.
• I wish I would have demonstrated courage when I was tested in my faith.
• I wish I would have grown my consulting business when I had the energy and time to do so.
• I wish I would have thought differently about owning a little FroYo shoppe “for a hobby.”
• I wish I would have been a more supportive and understanding sibling, wife, mother and friend.

The list goes on and on…

I coulda would shoulda!

As the year winds down, I find myself melancholy and perhaps that’s why I’m allowing regrets to lease space in my brain.

Regardless, they serve as a stark reminder that I have a lot of work to do on myself in 2015.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not looking to be a Super Hero who rises to every opportunity, who overcomes every challenge, or who passes every personal, career, and spiritual “test” thrown her way.

Rather, I’m simply hopeful I can accept what I am able to do with the resources, gumption and heart I have at the time.

My past is part of who I am…I cannot separate those decisions, actions and behaviors from who I am today. If I can honestly say I did the best I could at the time, I should be content.

Living with regret is no way to live…indeed, it may stop me from truly living in the first place.