“The only difference between a rut and a grave are the dimensions.”
I haven’t written a post in weeks…I guess I have been in a bit of a rut. This happens often, and not just for writing but for life in general.
Does it happen to you? Certainly I can’t be the only one.
I was driving my kiddo to school today and what he said to me really highlighted the fact that I’m sunk pretty deep…his words went a little something like this:
“I think I could play a guitar, or maybe the drums, or the saxophone…that would be pretty neat…
Karate is fun, mom, I’m really good at it so maybe I should try Judo or wrestling or gymnastics…
Math is interesting to me; I think I’m going to build things when I get older when I’m done being a marine biologist…
I’ve got a good beat – my dancing skit at school is going to be great…”
(Yes, my son has the attention span of a gnat but that’s not the point, is it?)
My dear boy is not in a rut! He has not limited himself, he is motivated to try new things, and he has interest…oodles and oodles of interest!
Driving home, I realized I am missing all of these things…in my mind and in my heart.
When did they disappear?
Was it with the separation, the subsequent divorce, middle age, career adjustment, business bumps? When?
Where is the Heather who could take on the world? Is she just temporarily missing or is it something more permanent?
Crap, what a sobering thought.
I know I’m in charge of my own destiny but sitting here writing this, I don’t want to admit I have put myself in this rut…I want to “blame” an external event. Even writing that sentence is a slap in the face…it’s contrary to everything I teach, everything I advise, everything I know.
Hmmm, this is quite the dilemma.
What does one do when the fear of trying something new and different is stronger than the sense that it’s needed?
What does one do when she’s lost interest in that which has inspired her for years?
Right now…this very minute…I don’t know the answer to these questions.
But I do know this: we can’t see or dare to imagine the road around us if we don’t LOOK UP and OUT of the rut we’re in.