“If I am sincere today, what does it matter if I regret it tomorrow?”
They are ravenous.
They are constant nags in the back of your head and the pit of your heart.
They are thieves of both slumber and joy.
I suppose I shouldn’t shun regrets totally from my life…they are proof I have a conscience, they serve as evidence I once was wishful and hopeful, and, when I’m doing well, they teach me and prepare me for less regrets in the future.
But damn if I don’t hate regrets and damn if I don’t perseverate about them.
- I wish I would have spent more time being positive with my mother.
- I wish I would worked towards my master’s degree while I still had time, money and patience.
- I wish I would have considered the long term affect of being geographically isolated from family before I planted my roots in Alaska.
- I wish I would have demonstrated courage when I was tested in my faith.
- I wish I would have grown my consulting business when I had the energy and time to do so.
- I wish I would have thought differently about owning a little FroYo shoppe “for a hobby.”
- I wish I would have been a more supportive and understanding sibling, wife, mother and friend.
The list goes on and on…
I coulda would shoulda!
As the year winds down, I find myself melancholy and perhaps that’s why I’m allowing regrets to lease space in my brain.
Regardless, they serve as a stark reminder that I have a lot of work to do on myself in 2015.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not looking to be a Super Hero who rises to every opportunity, who overcomes every challenge, or who passes every personal, career, and spiritual “test” thrown her way.
My past is part of who I am…I cannot separate those decisions, actions and behaviors from who I am today. If I can honestly say I did the best I could at the time, I should be content.