“A question that sometimes drives me hazy:  Am I or the others crazy?”

Albert Einstein

I had the distinct pleasure this week to be a part of an event put on by Talent Anarchy called The Frontier Project.

Nearly impossible to explain correctly, I will describe it as a think tank. Forty or so professionals, either brilliant, curious or a mixture of both, gathered to talk about the role of Human Resources – what it was, what it was not, and what it could be.

I will rely on The Frontier Project’s founders, Joe Gerstandt and Jason Lauritsen, to communicate how the two day event went and to share the results of our brilliance and curiosity. Keep an eye out on the event’s website as that’s where the report will likely be.

This post is my attempt to communicate what The Frontier Project did for me.

As do most events where professional networking (aka socializing for me) is possible, The Frontier Project had me resting my head on the pillow much too late in the day but with the energy of a recent graduate. In my opinion, there is no better way to get fired up about your career than sharing minds, great conversation, good food and, lest I forget, tasty beverages.

To that end, I ask you, “when was the last time you met with your colleagues to have a conversation about your trade?” I don’t mean when was the last time you met to discuss a specific piece of garbage you are dealing with at work but instead, I mean your career in general.

If it’s been awhile, may I suggest you do something about that?  Engage him/her with your thoughts and ideas about the work you are challenged to do.

• What could you do better or differently?
• What skills do you think add value to the work?
• What do you think you need to develop?
• Why did you choose this career?
• What is it about this field that turns you on?

Trust me, meaningful discussions about these things will get you fired up.

The Frontier Project, with its fantastic venue and decent coffee, not only got me fired up about my career but allowed me to learn…and remember.  Because I no longer “touch” HR operations every day, I don’t know about a few things (ok, few is probably a fib…I don’t know about a lot of things) and this event helped me, to some extent, “come back into the fold” regarding HR processes and practices that have escaped me (perhaps it was me that escaped them but you get my point).

While I have no intention of returning to HR generalist work and certainly don’t yearn to write a job description or assist in the completion of paperwork, the dissection of these processes, the discussions about these processes, etc. was good for me, and I propose it would be good for you as well.

I akin it to me pulling a shift every now and then at my FroYo shoppe. I intentionally do this at least once every two weeks for the sole purpose of not losing touch with what I expect my staff to do, for not losing touch with what our customers expect, want, and receive, etc.

There’s extreme value in that, and I am grateful for the opportunity to revisit my knowledge, and to identify what parts of my expertise are no longer relevant. Things change and only through visiting the work do schmucks like us become aware of these changes!

That being said, when was the last time you visited your front line? When was the last time you engaged with your staff about the job classification process? When was the last time you sat in on orientation?

Perhaps there is a space in your knowledge bank that is dusty, rusty or no longer needing the mental real estate.

Finally, The Frontier Project pointed out, in somewhat of a startling discovery, that I am not curious enough.  And, if my inability to play legos with my 6 year old boy is any indication, I am not nearly imaginative enough.

I don’t know if it’s my age, if it’s this particular moment in time in my life, or if it’s because of some other reason but I realized that while I incessantly tease my clients and colleagues about being creative, about pushing themselves outside of their paradigms, about daring to be different, etc., I sit in my comfortable career, perhaps grateful that these folks have not required me to practice what I preach.

While I am temporarily sparing myself the blame and shame of hypocrisy, I remain disappointed in my limitations. Therefore, I commit to seeking help in this regard.

Whether it requires meeting with and immersing myself in discussions with the emerging workforce, reading books about topics I know nothing about (excuse me, where are the books on ANALYTICS?), or watching crazy sci-fi movies, I will start to re-energize my curiosity and develop my imagination.

I will, as I heard numerous times these past few days, work to develop a beginners mind.

The Frontier Project…that’s what it did for me.

If you were standing on the frontier and looking at the future of your trade, what would you see?

My posts this month all center around employee engagement as, like many of you, this has been on my mind.

I’ve developed/presented classes on engagement for years and have coached many leaders on how they can increase employee engagement, which we all know is directly related to discretionary performance.  I’m confident the activities I have/will suggest to you increase engagement and I hope these posts inspire you to try something new!

My first post this month was a challenge to Leaders to “grab the potato.”

Build the relationship, define what engagement looks like, measure it and recognize the efforts made by your staff when they step up, lean in or otherwise get involved.

Last week, I offered three “activities” I believe leaders can do in order to increase employee engagement.

1. Align employee’s activities and behavior with the vision, mission and values.
2. Grant forgiveness and allow risk.
3. Recognize appropriately.

This week, I’ll offer four more activities.

4. Push your employees outside their comfort zones.

My mom used to tell me, “no one ever rose to a low expectation” – I LOVE IT!  I rely upon this advice when I tell you it’s ok to push your employees.

We all know that learning, development and success rarely happen inside our comfort zones, and most of us know from first hand experience that complacency in thinking and doing often occurs inside our comfort zones!

Therefore, push ‘em!

I’m not an advocate for having unreasonable standards but I am an advocate for treating performance as the high jump, not as the game, limbo.  This means you need to know where the bar is (what your standard is), identify if your employee is meeting it (even just slightly so) and raise it.  Don’t go crazy high, but raise it and let him/her know why.

Tell your employees why the standard should increase, tell them why you trust they can handle it, tell them it’ll be ok if they stumble and fall, provided they get back up again (this goes to the forgiveness activity discussed in the last post).

Know that your employees want to succeed, but some of them may need a little push in that direction every now and then.

5. Hear what your employees have to say about their jobs.

Everyone’s got an opinion, but not everyone believes they should or can safely share it.  Therefore, my challenge to you is to ensure your employees know you want to hear their thoughts and concerns about their jobs.  It could be about their work activities, it could be about their schedules, it could be about an organizational process, etc.  It doesn’t matter – let them know you want to hear their opinions about how the work is done, when the work is done, where the work is done, etc.

This exchange of information results in you knowing TONS more than you knew yesterday, which will make you a better supervisor or manager.  In addition, it  buys you a team of employees who believe they have a say in things, who feel empowered to think and act upon their ideas, etc.

6. Inquire about how your employee think about you.

This activity is different than #5 above.  The latter activity is about what your employees think about their jobs.  This activity is about understanding what they think about you.  And notice it’s pro-active, suggesting you solicit the information!

Don’t want to hear their opinions?  Don’t think you should go asking for them?  Do everyone a favor and resign now!  

As a leader, you have no right to block yourself off from scrutiny and judgment.  Only when you allow yourself to be judged, only when you commit to your employees that they can share their opinions accordingly, only when you thank them for doing so can you truly call yourself a leader.

I’m not suggesting you fall on a sword every day and I’m certainly not suggesting you allow your staff to exchange information in a way that is unprofessional, disrespectful or otherwise.  Instead, I’m suggesting that you commit to pro-actively checking in on what they think about you, your communication, your leadership style, your problem solving tactics, etc.  And regardless of how much that feedback may sting from time to time, I challenge you to say thank you.

Your staff, when they realize you are working hard for them, you are open to your own development, you are committed to improving, etc., will respond in kind.

7. Care about your staff.

While this is #7 on my list, don’t think it’s because it is the lowest on my priorities…I may have saved the best for last.

I don’t think you have to love everyone, so don’t get all hot and bothered, but I do think you have to give a damn about them.  Demonstrating that you care about their well being, their careers, their development, their concerns, etc., will go a long way in getting them engaged with you and your program.

Regardless of how tough we say we are, regardless of how “fine” we are with the forced organizational boundaries we find ourselves in, regardless of how “independently minded” we claim to be, we all have a basic need and desire to be cared about.

If your employees don’t have this basic foundation, everything else you try to stack onto the relationship will be a bit unstable.

So there you have it…seven activities.  Can’t remember them?  Remember this word: GRAPHIC

Grant Forgiveness

Recognize appropriately

Align them to your vision, mission and values

Push them outside of their comfort zone

Hear what they think

Inquire how they feel

Care about them

Think that’s too much?  It’s not…trust me!  Try one or two – over the next few months, make them a consistent part of your day.  Then, add another one, and then wait awhile and add another.

Before you know it, you’ll be consistently doing all seven activities; they’ll become a habit and you’ll be one of those leaders who says,

“Employee engagement problems?  I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“To win in the marketplace you must first win in the workplace.”

Doug Conant, CEO of Campbell’s Soup

Last week, I wrote about employee engagement – and I suggested that “engagement” had become a hot potato that neither Human Resources or Leadership was willing to grab.

I offered easy ways to grab the potato…

Build the relationship, define what engagement looks like, measure it and recognize the efforts made by your staff when they step up, lean in or otherwise get involved.

This week, I offer a few activities that leaders can do to help increase employee engagement.  (I have seven things…but you’d be bored to tears if I shared all of them in one post so I’ll share three today and I’ll share the rest next week.)

1) Align employee’s activities and behavior with the vision, mission and values.

As leaders, we should be connecting with the vision and mission and, as leaders, we should be consistently demonstrating the values of the organization.

Yet so many of us underestimate the power of this alignment with our own staff.

Why?  If it works for us, why would it not work for them?

I suggest that leaders change the way they communicate to their staff to ensure the “connection” is made – to ensure alignment.

It is fairly easy to overlay the vision/mission/values onto current communication.

Instead of saying, “the client has made another change order,” he could say, “our goal is to be the most referred contractor and that’s dependent upon client satisfaction…and this client has requested a change to our contract.”

Instead of saying, “thanks for providing a creative solution to problem X,” she could say “your creative solution to problem X was exactly what this company had in mind when it identified innovativeness as one of our values.”

Seem cheesy?  Perhaps…but trust me on this one…communicating in this way helps articulate the vision, mission and values, which helps the employees understand how they are aligned.

2) Grant Forgiveness

I suppose many leaders think they already do this…but I am willing to bet my dear friend’s pretzel rolls that they don’t do it well or consistently.

• Do they hold a grudge?
• Do they ever chastise or otherwise tease someone when they screw up?
• Do they hold themselves and others to an unreasonably high standard?
• Do they tolerate mistakes?
• Do they allow for risk taking?

This is about the culture they are maintaining.

• Can someone put his neck out without fear of getting his head chopped off?
• Can someone make mistakes and still feel good because there is learning and development that ensures a better output next time?
• Can someone make a mistake or blunder that won’t be held over her head for her entire career?
• Are employees comfortable with vulnerability?  Do they see it as a weakness or do they know it sits on the cusp of creativity, innovation and brilliance?

I challenge leaders to look in the mirror and honestly evaluate if they are cultivating a culture that grants forgiveness.

If not, they should expect to struggle with employee engagement.

3) Recognize Appropriately

Many think recognition is a fancy program that costs money.  Others think recognition is something they need lots of time for.

I call BS on those excuses.

Recognition is free.  

I’m not asking anyone to buy or procure anything.  This is not about certificates, logo gear, movie tickets, gift cards, etc.  This is about the leader getting up, speaking up, sending an email, taking a walk to a different work area, etc.

Recognition takes time.

Indeed, it does!  However, it doesn’t take a lot of time.  And here’s a harsh truth, if a leader doesn’t believe he has time to recognize his staff, he should do his company a favor and resign.  In my opinion, one doesn’t deserve a leadership position if he/she can’t invest some time in this activity.

This is about recognizing “appropriately.”   

Timely recognition is needed.

A dog wouldn’t know his owner was happy he did his business outside if she (the owner) withheld praise until after the dog came inside.  Likewise, the dog wouldn’t know he wasn’t supposed to do his business on the owner’s cowboy boots if she (the owner) only scolded him when she noticed the mess hours later.

Employees won’t know what performance/behavior to repeat if the leader doesn’t recognize their efforts/performance at the time.  Nor will the employees learn much if the leader tells them they didn’t meet the standard in May during their employee evaluation meeting in October.

Clear recognition is needed.

The “genius” who, decades ago, convinced supervisors to “sandwich” a negative between two positives confused an entire generation of supervisors.

Why bury the reality of the situation?  If the leader needs to give positive recognition or feedback, he should give it!  If constructive or negative recognition is needed, he should give it!

The feedback can be turned into a learning moment if the leader offers “conditional recognition.” Conditional recognition works like an “if, then” statement:

“if you would have done X, ABC would have happened.”

“because your work was A, XYZ is the likely result.”

 (Two other posts on recognition may be of value to you:
All You Need is Love, Part One
and Part Two offer some interesting insight.)

Alignment, forgiveness and recognition.

It’s not rocket science…they are just three easy tips on employee engagement.

Try one…I’ll offer four more next week.

Employee Engagement

Two words Managers know they want but don’t know how to get.

Two words HR loves to say but doesn’t know how to get.

The potato that no one wants (or knows how) to catch.

Except me…I intercept that spud every chance I get. 

It is not Rocket Science.

First, NEVER forget that it starts with a relationship.

Don’t feel like building a relationship?

Game’s over…you lose.

Whether you are a Manager or an HR Professional, do everyone a favor and resign now.  You’ll save everyone from the suffering of employee turnover, low productivity, decreased quality, and overall pissy attitudes.

Second, define it.

Whether you define it in the context of your company, your department, or your team, define it!  What  is “engagement”?

• What does it look like?

• What does it sound like?

• What is the result of having it?

• What is the result of NOT having it?

Don’t know the answers?  Go ask someone!

Ask your customers, ask your stakeholders, ask your vendors, ask your employees!  Trust me, they know what it is.

Third, measure it.

If you care about it, you’ll measure it.  Likewise, if you don’t measure it, your employees, your customers, your boss, etc. will think you don’t care about it.

Don’t know how to measure it?  Don’t make it difficult.

Take the answers from the questions above and put some data to them. Then, track it, talk about it, figure out what the data means, and put some intentional and thoughtful work into improving things.

Fourth, recognize it.

Where the heck would you be in your marriage, in your friendships or in your other relationships if you didn’t recognize the value the other person added to them? You’d be in fewer relationships, that’s for sure!

Therefore, recognize when your employees get engaged in something.  Whether it be their involvement on a project, their offering of ideas for a problem, or their demonstrated commitment to a customer…when they get engaged, recognize their effort!

Is there more to employee engagement?

Of course there is…and I’ll write another post next week with some other ideas.  But for now, start with the simple stuff.

Build the relationship, define what engagement means to you and your team, measure the results and recognize the effort.

Oh, and two last things…

Managers, quit waiting for HR to do something “corporate wide.”  You don’t need HR; you need a mirror and some gumption.

Be honest with yourself, identify which relationships need some work, and do something to change it.

Then, sit down with your team and ask what they think about engagement.  Trust me, they’ll have some ideas on the subject.

Then, commit to personally engaging more…with them and with work.  Reciprocity is almost guaranteed.

HR, quit blaming Managers for increased disengagement.  Last I checked, placing blame didn’t turn the problem around.

Instead of simply “surveying” the workplace and pontificating about “the value” of increased engagement, try modeling the behavior yourself.

Start facilitating some discussions about the subject and putting some pragmatic solutions into place to respond to employee’s concerns, desires, etc.

Try coaching your supervisors and workforce on stepping up, leaning in and otherwise getting involved with work.

Hot Potato, Hot Potato…who wants it?

“The quality of a person’s life is in direct proportion to their commitment to excellence, regardless of their chosen field of endeavor.”

Vince Lombardi

Last week I had the pleasure to present my thoughts and ideas on performance management to a large group of Human Resource professionals on behalf of the Northwest Human Resources Management Association. Specifically, I was presenting my ideas on HR’s role in helping supervisors do “performance management” well.

As I scanned the audience, I was surprised to find so many “seasoned” HR professionals looking back at me with awestruck expressions.  I thought this was curious because I was sure this concept was old hat to them.

But I found something different. These faces, who are the same ones I’ve seen around the HR community for years, belonged to professionals who had not really stepped out of their practical, transactional role and into an advising, non-directive role.  Sure, they proudly wore their “I Luv HR” buttons for years, but their reach and scope in their roles had been limited.

While they recognized the steps of performance management, very few of them realized how to “teach” or “coach” supervisors in these processes. Even fewer of them fully understood how poorly implemented performance management processes could result in quite the opposite…a lack of performance, a lack of clarity, a lack of engagement, etc.  Hence, the need for “coaching” the supervisor is critical!

I knew that many HR pros in my community were working in “traditional” roles, but what was surprising is that so many of them didn’t realize they were still in them! Only when challenged to think about “advising” a supervisor, “mentoring” a manager, or assessing risk did they realize there was a big difference.

I adjusted my presentation accordingly and I must say I’m tickled about the results.

Many of the participants contacted me days after the session and noted that they are now looking at their job in a much different light! They feel inspired to change the way they behave and engage with their supervisors. They are excited about their roles as employee advocates, and they are willing to “push” the envelope when it comes to speaking up for what’s right, just and “strategically” smart for their employers.

Remember, no one needs to give you permission to show your value. 

Step out, step up and make up your mind to do it. 

Your customers, your employer, and you…will be glad you did.  

I’ve moved a lot.  I lived in about 15 different places before I was 25 years old.  I’ve been in my current place longer than I have ever lived anywhere; I’ve called this house my home for just over six years.

I’m moving at the end of the month and this has me thinking about office moves.  Throughout my HR career, I have been through about six “office moves” and to be honest, I hated them.  Not because I didn’t want to move – I could have cared less – but because I had to listen to the griping and complaining from everyone else.

I didn’t get it.  It was just an office, cubicle, or location in town…what was the big deal?

Today, as I look around my home, see my my half-filled boxes, stare at my soon to be empty walls, etc., I get it.

Today, I realize, with regretful certainty, that I failed to empathize with those who were depressed, scared, or otherwise disturbed because they were being separated from their surroundings.

Today, I realize the staff was feeling something that, at the time, was foreign to me:

They were attached.

• They probably found comfort in their environment.

• They probably grew accustomed to the heating/air conditioning “quirks.” Shoot, they may have developed certain habits because of them.

• They probably liked and/or depended on the idiosyncrasies of the sounds, the lighting, the physical walls/desks/etc.

• They probably relied upon their neighbors and appreciated their “commute” to the restroom, break room or conference room.

• They probably enjoyed the convenience of the printer being right next them or grew to depend on the silence of it being so far away.

• They probably were grateful for their storage or loved their view.

Regardless of how many times I, or some other schmuck, told them the new space would be “just as good” or “better”, the uncertainty of the inevitable change and the “detachment” from their surroundings negatively affected them.

Change is hard!

As an HR Professional, I should have known better!  I should have been more patient.  I should have shown some compassion when I couldn’t summon empathy. I should have recognized the reasons behind their gripes and complaints.

If I would have felt then what I feel now, I would have done these things:

• Hold a meeting - numerous meetings if necessary – about the move.  I don’t want to leave employees in the dark about where they will be in the new space.

• Facilitate discussions about what they like about their current space, what they dislike about their current space, etc.  I’d manage these discussions…we can’t all get what we want…but I think allowing people to talk about what is reasonable/unreasonable, what is probable/not probable, etc. would be helpful.

And, of course, I would share these concerns, requirements, and desires with whomever was in charge of the new space.  I know I could use my rhetoric and persuasive communication skills to communicate the value of considering their requests!

• Help employees lighten their load.  It’s overwhelming to think about packing when your stuff is piled everywhere and you don’t want to give it up.  A quasi “buddy” system works well for these circumstances.  I think of it like a hoarding intervention; one person is assigned to “reality check” the other as the packing occurs. (Make sure someone is available to offer good advice on records retention!)

• Actively listen to staff, which of course would involve keeping my own opinions to myself.

• Reinforce the positive characteristics of the new space while confirming all of the neutrals or downsides, if any.  There is nothing worse than getting into a new space and realizing that no one told you there wouldn’t be as much storage, there were no bathrooms on that floor, the elevator was right outside your cubby walls, etc.

• Give the employees a choice, if possible, of anything new.  Whether it be colors of the walls, types of chairs, or where storage cabinets will go, many of the staff will appreciate having a voice in these decisions.

• Refrain from telling anyone that the move is “no big deal” because the fact is, it is a very big deal to them.

Yuck, I hate it when I realize I failed someone.

Perhaps you can succeed where I did not.

“There is no exercise better for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up.”

John Holmes

At mass today, our choir needed a Cantor for the Psalm.  I hadn’t yet read the reading, I had never heard the Psalm, I obviously hadn’t practiced it, and to be honest, I wasn’t really in the mood to be that helpful.

But I volunteered to sing it anyway – I would wing it in front of a congregation of about 500 people.

Why would I do such a thing?

Some would argue I like the attention, I love to hear myself sing, I love the drama of flying solo up at that lectern.  And perhaps they are right…on any other Sunday.

Today was different.  Today, I looked down at the first line, “Be with me, Lord, for I am in trouble”, and I knew I was supposed to sing it.  You see, I’ve been praying those words for months.

Crisis of faith, lack of hope, hardness of heart, bitterness of spirit…these things happen to all of us.

Some, like me, get stuck…it’s like we’ve driven off into a huge ditch of wet snow, high centered our car and no matter how much we dig, we just can’t get out of it.

We need a tow truck for these times and hopefully, we’ve got someone to pull us out.

The Psalm today was my call…and now I wait.

In the meantime, the song got me thinking about the workplace.

I wonder if I have colleagues who are facing the same struggles?  Not necessarily on a spiritual or personal level but perhaps on an organizational or professional level.

• Have they questioned their alignment to the organization’s goals?

• Have they lost faith in their leadership?

• Have they become bitter because of decisions that have been made?

• Have they strayed so far that the relationship is in jeopardy?

If so, what can I do about it?

As a leader, I think I need to look around and start paying attention.

As a leader, I need to make myself available to those who may be stuck.

As a leader, I need to make sure everyone knows I want…and will try my hardest…to pull them out.

What type of a leader would I be if I did not? 

Let no one weep for me, or celebrate my funeral with mourning; for I still live, as I pass to and fro through the mouths of men.

Quintus Ennius

I had the pleasure, and the torture, of attending a memorial service yesterday for a young girl not yet 15.

While the death of anyone is difficult, maybe even maddening, this particular tragedy screamed at those who mourned…it was simply too early for her to die, too early for her to vacate the lives of her family and friends, too early for her to lose faith that happiness, peace and comfort are possible.

This morning, while not yet emotionally removed but the events of yesterday, I realize I received some valuable lessons about parenting, love and grief.

While I am not able to speak about how this event has affected me as a mother, I will attempt to communicate how the lessons I received will affect me as a leader.

My first lesson came from the grieving mother.  While demonstrating much courage, she stood at the microphone, looked at us through teary eyes and choked out that she had not really “liked” her daughter for years.  Not because she didn’t love her with all of her heart, but because she didn’t take the time to get to know her daughter “well enough” to like who she had become.

Take a moment to absorb that thought.

As a parent, as a spouse, as a child, as a friend, please think about it.

This message should not be minimized.

Supervisors and managers fall into the same trap. 

We often lose sight of who our employees are, what they are struggling with, what they celebrate, what they hope and dream about regarding their careers, their future, etc.

We lose sight of these things because sometimes, our employees get on our nerves.

They irritate us, they piss us off, they inconvenience our master plan!

As I sit and absorb this message, I realize I have been selfish.  These “barriers” I have allowed to get in the way of knowing my staff are self-imposed, if not selfish obstacles.

My employees are not hiding from me, they aren’t reclusive hermits wanting to be left alone, they aren’t withholding or denying me the opportunity to know them.

Their idiosyncrasies, faults and scars are insights to who they are!   But instead, I have often treated these things as “excuses” to not getting to know my employees better.  Or worse, I have listed these faults as “reasons” to not liking them.

Have you do the same thing?

Perhaps we should challenge ourselves to get to know our staff.

Perhaps, as my mother told me many many years ago, we should look hard enough and “find something to love.”

Maybe, just maybe, we could salvage a relationship, we could increase engagement and commitment, or we could prevent a resignation.

The second lesson I learned yesterday was given to me by the pastor. He offered up the poem “Parable of Immortality” written by Henry Van Dyke.

In the context of leadership, this poem reminds me of the many times I, when receiving a resignation of a great team member, grew weary, hurt, or even angry that he/she chose to move on.

Has that happened to you?

Have you found yourself thinking the employee was crazy to think the “new job” would be better?  Have you suggested to the resigning employee that no one else could offer greater opportunities than what you were offering?

Have you allowed your own resentment to minimize the value the employee had given you and your team?

Have you allowed your own anger or concerns to overshadow the benefit you have enjoyed because of his/her presence?

I have…but I will not again.

The fact is, for as long as I am a supervisor, I will have employees who need and want to move on.

I suppose I can, as I have in the past, fight with this fact.

I can grow so concerned with the consequences that I lose sight of the possibilities.

I can become resentful, angry and suspicious of what and who will follow.

I can play the victim…or the martyr.

Or, like the poem suggests, I can let go of my own needs and be happy for the departed, and be happy for those about the meet them. 

As a leader, I should revel in the fact that my exiting employees will be received in a manner befitting of their talents and skills.

• Someone will benefit from their talents.

• Someone will feel the security and trust that I did with them at the helm.

• Someone will get the opportunity to watch these employees thrive and develop in their careers.

As a leader, I should find happiness in the fact that my “previous” employees will enjoy their new journeys.

Those were my lessons from yesterday.  I hope you, too, can find something of value in them.

Grief bombarded into my home this weekend when my daughter learned that her friend had taken her own life. Accompanying the sadness, confusion and torment that my daughter felt was a flood of my own memories, equally as torturous and dismal.

Carolyn and I worked through the weekend much like my own mother and I did many years ago; we gathered with friends, we wept alone, we sat numb, we spoke of confusion, anger and guilt, and we prayed for comfort…for our friend’s family as well as ourselves.

The Federal holiday today gives Carolyn one more day to process this tragedy before she returns to school, but she remains anxious about facing the questions of her peers, the missed work from Friday, the test she’s not prepared for, etc.

Carolyn’s stress reminds me of one of my first challenges as an HR Manager many years ago.

An employee had lost his teenage son on a Friday evening.  This man, a seasoned engineer, was new to town and had not quite built a social or professional network.

He was also a bit of an introvert and while his colleagues knew him, they didn’t really “know him.”

I had just promoted to my position as HR Manager and received a call on Monday morning telling me that this man was scaring his colleagues, that many in the workplace were weeping and/or overly anxious and that I needed to fly to Fairbanks immediately to “deal” with it.

I won’t bore you with the details but this poor man was having an emotional breakdown in the workplace; he was disoriented, angry, violent, and manic.

He had come to work three days after his son died because he had no personal leave and even if he did, he hadn’t worked long enough to use it.  He had come to work three days after this son died because he didn’t believe his boss would appreciate his project falling behind.  He had come to work three days after his son died because he didn’t want to disappoint his new colleagues.

This poor man was in the depth of grief and yet he came to work.  It’s no wonder he broke down.

When his coworkers learned that he had lost his son, many of them fell into what happened to me this weekend…a strong recollection of my past – a “reliving” of my own grief.  Some of our employees had what I can only describe as an awakening of grief that had been suppressed.

By the time I arrived in Fairbanks, the tormented father had been taken home but we still had five employees extremely upset and overwhelmed.  Most of the remaining staff in the Fairbanks office were so pre-occupied with everything else they were unable to focus on their work.

I quickly realized I was ill equipped to manage grief in the workplace.

I had no processes, no back up plan, no resources, etc.  I had an Employee Assistance program but I had no easy way to “initiate” that resource and put things into place to get my employees help.

The employees who weren’t overwhelmed with their own emotions wanted to “help” but most didn’t know how.  They weren’t counsellors, they weren’t clinicians, they weren’t family members, they weren’t friends.  They didn’t know what to say, they didn’t know what to do.

I wish I could say I saved the day but alas, I didn’t.  I believe I failed this grieving father and his wife and, while doing so, had one of the toughest, most emotionally draining weeks I have ever had.

The only good that came out of the week is this:

I made a plan just in case it ever happened again.

My challenge to you, as an HR professional, Administrator, Office Manager, etc., is to create your plan for managing grief in the workplace.

If you put this work off for a rainy day, you will be as ill equipped as I was, and you will realize that you, too, failed an employee at a time he/she needed you most.

Your plan doesn’t have to be fancy…it can be as simple as a checklist, a list of phone numbers, a few names of some volunteers who are willing to step up and coordinate things, etc.  I recommend you reach out right now to a few people who have dealt with this type of thing before.  Form a small committee and put your plan on paper.

Start with these things…and see where the conversation leads you.

Designated Contact Person

Can the employer identify one or two people who will be the designated contact person(s) for the grieving employee?  It’s less overwhelming for the grieving employee when he/she knows there is only one or two people to call.

Paid Time Off

Does your employer offer bereavement leave or any other type of paid administrative leave that can be utilized for the death of a family member?  If not, does your employer allow for donated leave?  Are employees able to use these types of benefits regardless of their tenure?

(If you do have these benefits, please take a moment to remind your employees of them!) 

Current Work Interview

Is it possible to contact the grieving employee to get a very quick “status” check regarding current workload?  The intent of this interview is not to make the employee worry about the work but instead, to ascertain what can immediately be handed off to a colleague, the boss, etc.  Perhaps you can gather enough information to simply let the customer/client know that a deadline may need to be changed, that he/she will be working with a different employee temporarily, etc.  The result of these interviews is a “release” for the grieving employee – he/she can “let the work go” and focus on the personal things.

Support Network

Does the employee have a support network?  Is he/she a member of a church?  Is he/she a member of another group – bowling, gardening, Lion’s Club, Elk’s Club, etc.  If so, can you or should you notify someone?  Can you remain in contact with that person so the grieving employee doesn’t have to for the near future?

While this may seem like you are “crossing” a boundary, know this…a grieving person is overwhelmed with making/receiving phone calls.  If someone from work can relieve some of this burden and maintain the interaction/engagement with others, so be it.

Can your employer create a “support” network from your workforce? Oftentimes, someone who has dealt with the death of a loved one volunteers to be a resource for others.

Utilize these employees – it’s good for everyone!

Meals, Errands and “Taxis”  

Does the affected employee need some help with meals, running errands, getting kids or family members to/from school, sports, airport, etc.?  Often, these types of things are overwhelming.  Keep in mind that many of your employees want to help but don’t feel they know the person “personally” enough to do the more “intimate” work that needs to be done during these times.  Buying a pizza, making some meals, picking up a relative at the airport, etc. is a great solution.

Professional Help

Does the grieving employee have access to counseling?  Does he/she understand how his/her benefits works for this type of care?

Do the other employees have access to counseling?  Do they need to be reminded about their benefits?

Would the company benefit from having someone come in and facilitate group sessions?

Phone Numbers/Websites

Do you have a list of local phone numbers that would naturally be called upon in these types of instances: funeral homes, hospice, florists, newspaper, churches, clinicians, state sponsored/subsidized programs, etc.

I know what you’re thinking…this isn’t your job…but trust me on this one.  Your employees can spend time tracking down this information or you can create a one-page resource document that has much of it at their fingertips.

Resource Packet

Can you create a “packet” for someone the moment you learn of their situation?  Pamphlets, books, phone numbers, websites, and other resources could be in this packet.  Names of employees who have offered to help others could be included.  Gift cards for local restaurants, dry cleaners/alterations, florists, etc. could be included.

You’re only limited by your imagination and compassion when it comes to a packet that is intended to comfort and help.

I know this is a long post, and I thank you for reading it.  If you don’t already have something in place, I hope this has inspired you to put a plan together.

We can’t plan for death and grief…but we can plan for managing the effect it has on our workforce.

Thank you for caring enough to do so.

young, curious, kind

wise beyond her fourteen years

Carolyn Kinzie

I had the pleasure of having lunch with my daughter this afternoon.  I eat with her all the time but today, it was just us and there was no rush.  Nice doesn’t begin to describe it.

I only have my kiddos one-half of every week so often, the first day together is “catch up” day.  I was telling Carolyn about the diversity class I taught earlier this week and she appeared to be more than “politely interested.”  She asked all kinds of questions, had tons of comments and thoughts about it, and then offered her own story about a movie she watched at school.  The movie had been about bigotry and bias.

I sat, listened and was so proud of my daughter.

Carolyn’s questions, thoughts and stories told me that somewhere in that beautiful 14 year old frame was a heart willing to learn, willing to accept, and willing to include others, regardless of what they looked like, where they came from, or how they talked. Whether they were bookworms, jocks, nerds, geeks or otherwise, she believes they have a place in her circle.

This evening, as I wind down my day, I am contrasting what I saw in Carolyn with what I see at work.  Over the years, I have learned dysfunctional teams all have something in common: communication problems and a lack of willingness or interest in diversity.

Carolyn’s questions told me that she is interested in learning about others.  It was obvious she’s curious about cultural differences, educational differences, age differences, communication differences, thinking differences, etc.

Carolyn’s thoughts and concerns told me that she is an accepting and forgiving young soul.

Carolyn’s comments about what is happening at her school, about her ideas for intentionally “mixing groups up” for lab work, teamwork, etc., told me that she sees how our differences make for a better “whole.”

And finally, Carolyn’s concerns about what she perceived as “wrongs” or hatefulness tells me that she recognizes prejudice and, thank goodness, is extremely uncomfortable with it.

Carolyn’s thoughts and attitudes are exactly what managing and promoting diversity is all about.

Be inquisitive, not judgmental.

You can’t manage diversity without first having an awareness and understanding of everyone’s differences.

Be open minded and accepting.

You can’t promote diversity without first believing that everyone has value.

Be forgiving.

We all make mistakes, we all have habits we need to break, and we all have bias’  that perhaps show through in our words and actions.  This doesn’t necessarily make us bad people…it just makes us human.  Moving beyond those moments and forgiving mistakes will go a long way in encouraging and capitalizing on diversity.

Be pro-active.

Diversity isn’t an initiative or an activity that simply comes and goes…it’s a way of thinking, a culture if you will.

Diversity, in terms of our labor market, is happening on its own.  However, managing diversity, accepting diversity, promoting diversity…these things will not happen on their own.

As leaders, we must be pro-active.  We must encourage the learning and understanding of our differences.  We must begin to communicate the value these differences bring to our work.  We must reach out and include others who may have previously been avoided or overlooked.  And above all, we must put a stop to prejudicial behavior.

I am proud of my daughter…I pray that her values will continue to be demonstrated at school, on the soccer field, at work, etc.

Carolyn makes an excellent role model, and I aspire to be like her.